When the brethren heard of us, they came to meet us as far as Appii Forum, and The Three Taverns.(Acts xxviii, 15)
HERODION, Apelles, Amplias, | |
| And Andronicus? Is it you I see | |
| At last? And is it you now that are gazing | |
| As if in doubt of me? Was I not saying | |
| That I should come to Rome? I did say that; | 5 |
| And I said furthermore that I should go | |
| On westward, where the gateway of the world | |
| Lets in the central sea. I did say that, | |
| But I say only, now, that I am Paul | |
| A prisoner of the Law, and of the Lord | 10 |
| A voice made free. If there be time enough | |
| To live, I may have more to tell you then | |
| Of western matters. I go now to Rome, | |
| Where Cæsar waits for me, and I shall wait, | |
| And Cæsar knows how long. In Cæsarea | 15 |
| There was a legend of Agrippa saying | |
| In a light way to Festus, having heard | |
| My deposition, that I might be free, | |
| Had I stayed free of Cæsar; but the word | |
| Of God would have it as you see it is | 20 |
| And here I am. The cup that I shall drink | |
| Is mine to drinkthe moment or the place | |
| Not mine to say. If it be now in Rome, | |
| Be it now in Rome; and if your faith exceed | |
| The shadow cast of hope, say not of me | 25 |
| Too surely or too soon that years and shipwreck, | |
| And all the many deserts I have crossed | |
| That are not named or regioned, have undone | |
| Beyond the brevities of our mortal healing | |
| The part of me that is the least of me. | 30 |
| You see an older man than he who fell | |
| Prone to the earth when he was nigh Damascus, | |
| Where the great light came down; yet I am he | |
| That fell, and he that saw, and he that heard. | |
| And I am here, at last; and if at last | 35 |
| I give myself to make another crumb | |
| For this pernicious feast of time and men | |
| Well, I have seen too much of time and men | |
| To fear the ravening or the wrath of either. | |
| |
| Yes, it is Paul you seethe Saul of Tarsus | 40 |
| That was a fiery Jew, and had men slain | |
| For saying Something was beyond the Law, | |
| And in ourselves. I fed my suffering soul | |
| Upon the Law till I went famishing, | |
| Not knowing that I starved. How should I know, | 45 |
| More then than any, that the food I had | |
| What else it may have beenwas not for me? | |
| My fathers and their fathers and their fathers | |
| Had found it good, and said there was no other, | |
| And I was of the line. When Stephen fell, | 50 |
| Among the stones that crushed his life away, | |
| There was no place alive that I could see | |
| For such a man. Why should a man be given | |
| To live beyond the Law? So I said then, | |
| As men say now to me. How then do I | 55 |
| Persist in living? Is that what you ask? | |
| If so, let my appearance be for you | |
| No living answer; for Time writes of death | |
| On men before they die, and what you see | |
| Is not the man. The man that you see not | 60 |
| The man within the manis most alive; | |
| Though hatred would have ended, long ago, | |
| The bane of his activities. I have lived, | |
| Because the faith within me that is life | |
| Endures to live, and shall, till soon or late, | 65 |
| Death, like a friend unseen, shall say to me | |
| My toil is over and my work begun. | |
| |
| How often, and how many a time again, | |
| Have I said I should be with you in Rome! | |
| He who is always coming never comes, | 70 |
| Or comes too late, you may have told yourselves; | |
| And I may tell you now that after me, | |
| Whether I stay for little or for long, | |
| The wolves are coming. Have an eye for them, | |
| And a more careful ear for their confusion | 75 |
| Than you need have much longer for the sound | |
| Of what I tell youshould I live to say | |
| More than I say to Cæsar. What I know | |
| Is down for you to read in what is written; | |
| And if I cloud a little with my own | 80 |
| Mortality the gleam that is immortal, | |
| I do it only because I am I | |
| Being on earth and of it, in so far | |
| As time flays yet the remnant. This you know; | |
| And if I sting men, as I do sometimes, | 85 |
| With a sharp word that hurts, it is because | |
| Mans habit is to feel before he sees; | |
| And I am of a race that feels. Moreover, | |
| The world is here for what is not yet here | |
| For more than are a few; and even in Rome, | 90 |
| Where men are so enamored of the Cross | |
| That fame has echoed, and increasingly, | |
| The music of your love and of your faith | |
| To foreign ears that are as far away | |
| As Antioch and Haran, yet I wonder | 95 |
| How much of love you know, and if your faith | |
| Be the shut fruit of words. If so, remember | |
| Words are but shells unfilled. Jews have at least | |
| A Law to make them sorry they were born | |
| If they go long without it; and these Gentiles, | 100 |
| For the first time in shrieking history, | |
| Have love and law together, if so they will, | |
| For their defense and their immunity | |
| In these last days. Rome, if I know the name, | |
| Will have anon a crown of thorns and fire | 105 |
| Made ready for the wreathing of new masters, | |
| Of whom we are appointed, you and I, | |
| And you are still to be when I am gone, | |
| Should I go presently. Let the word fall, | |
| Meanwhile, upon the dragon-ridden field | 110 |
| Of circumstance, either to live or die; | |
| Concerning which there is a parable, | |
| Made easy for the comfort and attention | |
| Of those who preach, fearing they preach in vain. | |
| You are to plant, and then to plant again | 115 |
| Where you have gathered, gathering as you go; | |
| For you are in the fields that are eternal, | |
| And you have not the burden of the Lord | |
| Upon your mortal shoulders. What you have | |
| Is a light yoke, made lighter by the wearing, | 120 |
| Till it shall have the wonder and the weight | |
| Of a clear jewel, shining with a light | |
| Wherein the sun and all the fiery stars | |
| May soon be fading. When Gamaliel said | |
| That if they be of men these things are nothing | 125 |
| But if they be of God, they are for none | |
| To overthrow, he spoke as a good Jew, | |
| And one who stayed a Jew; and he said all. | |
| And you know, by the temper of your faith, | |
| How far the fire is in you that I felt | 130 |
| Before I knew Damascus. A word here, | |
| Or there, or not there, or not anywhere, | |
| Is not the Word that lives and is the life; | |
| And you, therefore, need weary not yourselves | |
| With jealous aches of others. If the world | 135 |
| Were not a world of aches and innovations, | |
| Attainment would have no more joy of it. | |
| There will be creeds and schisms, creeds in creeds, | |
| And schisms in schisms; myriads will be done | |
| To death because a farthing has two sides, | 140 |
| And is at last a farthing. Telling you this, | |
| I, who bid men to live, appeal to Cæsar. | |
| Once I had said the ways of God were dark, | |
| Meaning by that the dark ways of the Law. | |
| Such is the Glory of our tribulations; | 145 |
| For the Law kills the flesh that kills the Law, | |
| And we are then alive. We have eyes then; | |
| And we have then the Cross between two worlds | |
| To guide us, or to blind us for a time, | |
| Till we have eyes indeed. The fire that smites | 150 |
| A few on highways, changing all at once, | |
| Is not for all. The power that holds the world | |
| Away from God that holds himself away | |
| Farther away than all your works and words | |
| Are like to fly without the wings of faith | 155 |
| Was not, nor ever shall be, a small hazard | |
| Enlivening the ways of easy leisure | |
| Or the cold road of knowledge. When our eyes | |
| Have wisdom, we see more than we remember; | |
| And the old world of our captivities | 160 |
| May then become a smitten glimpse of ruin, | |
| Like one where vanished hewers have had their day | |
| Of wrath on Lebanon. Before we see, | |
| Meanwhile, we suffer; and I come to you, | |
| At last, through many storms and through much night. | 165 |
| |
| Yet whatsoever I have undergone, | |
| My keepers in this instance are not hard. | |
| But for the chance of an ingratitude, | |
| I might indeed be curious of their mercy, | |
| And fearful of their leisure while I wait, | 170 |
| A few leagues out of Rome. Men go to Rome, | |
| Not always to returnbut not that now. | |
| Meanwhile, I seem to think you look at me | |
| With eyes that are at last more credulous | |
| Of my identity. You remark in me | 175 |
| No sort of leaping giant, though some words | |
| Of mine to you from Corinth may have leapt | |
| A little through your eyes into your soul. | |
| I trust they were alive, and are alive | |
| Today; for there be none that shall indite | 180 |
| So much of nothing as the man of words | |
| Who writes in the Lords name for his names sake | |
| And has not in his blood the fire of time | |
| To warm eternity. Let such a man | |
| If once the light is in him and endures | 185 |
| Content himself to be the general man, | |
| Set free to sift the decencies and thereby | |
| To learn, except he be one set aside | |
| For sorrow, more of pleasure than of pain; | |
| Though if his light be not the light indeed, | 190 |
| But a brief shine that never really was, | |
| And fails, leaving him worse than where he was, | |
| Then shall he be of all men destitute. | |
| And here were not an issue for much ink, | |
| Or much offending faction among scribes. | 195 |
| |
| The Kingdom is within us, we are told; | |
| And when I say to you that we possess it | |
| In such a measure as faith makes it ours, | |
| I say it with a sinners privilege | |
| Of having seen and heard, and seen again, | 200 |
| After a darkness; and if I affirm | |
| To the last hour that faith affords alone | |
| The Kingdom entrance and an entertainment, | |
| I do not see myself as one who says | |
| To man that he shall sit with folded hands | 205 |
| Against the Coming. If I be anything, | |
| I move a driven agent among my kind, | |
| Establishing by the faith of Abraham, | |
| And by the grace of their necessities, | |
| The clamoring word that is the word of life | 210 |
| Nearer than heretofore to the solution | |
| Of their tomb-serving doubts. If I have loosed | |
| A shaft of language that has flown sometimes | |
| A little higher than the hearts and heads | |
| Of natures minions, it will yet be heard, | 215 |
| Like a new song that waits for distant ears. | |
| I cannot be the man that I am not; | |
| And while I own that earth is my affliction, | |
| I am a man of earth, who says not all | |
| To all alike. That were impossible. | 220 |
| Even as it were so that He should plant | |
| A larger garden first. But you today | |
| Are for the larger sowing; and your seed, | |
| A little mixed, will have, as He foresaw, | |
| The foreign harvest of a wider growth, | 225 |
| And one without an end. Many there are, | |
| And are to be, that shall partake of it, | |
| Though none may share it with an understanding | |
| That is not his alone. We are all alone; | |
| And yet we are all parcelled of one order | 230 |
| Jew, Gentile, or barbarian in the dark | |
| Of wildernesses that are not so much | |
| As names yet in a book. And there are many, | |
| Finding at last that words are not the Word, | |
| And finding only that, will flourish aloft, | 235 |
| Like heads of captured Pharisees on pikes, | |
| Our contradictions and discrepancies; | |
| And there are many more will hang themselves | |
| Upon the letter, seeing not in the Word | |
| The friend of all who fail, and in their faith | 240 |
| A sword of excellence to cut them down. | |
| |
| As long as there are glasses that are dark | |
| And there are manywe see darkly through them; | |
| All which have I conceded and set down | |
| In words that have no shadow. What is dark | 245 |
| Is dark, and we may not say otherwise; | |
| Yet what may be as dark as a lost fire | |
| For one of us, may still be for another | |
| A coming gleam across the gulf of ages, | |
| And a way home from shipwreck to the shore; | 250 |
| And so, through pangs and ills and desperations, | |
| There may be light for all. There shall be light. | |
| As much as that, you know. You cannot say | |
| This woman or that man will be the next | |
| On whom it falls; you are not here for that. | 255 |
| You ministration is to be for others | |
| The firing of a rush that may for them | |
| Be soon the fire itself. The few at first | |
| Are fighting for the multitude at last; | |
| Therefore remember what Gamaliel said | 260 |
| Before you, when the sick were lying down | |
| In streets all night for Peters passing shadow. | |
| Fight, and say what you feel; say more than words. | |
| Give men to know that even their days of earth | |
| To come are more than ages that are gone. | 265 |
| Say what you feel, while you have time to say it. | |
| Eternity will answer for itself, | |
| Without your intercession; yet the way | |
| For many is a long one, and as dark, | |
| Meanwhile, as dreams of hell. See not your toil | 270 |
| Too much, and if I be away from you, | |
| Think of me as a brother to yourselves, | |
| Of many blemishes. Beware of stoics, | |
| And give your left hand to grammarians; | |
| And when you seem, as many a time you may, | 275 |
| To have no other friend than hope, remember | |
| That you are not the first, or yet the last. | |
| |
| The best of life, until we see beyond | |
| The shadows of ourselves (and they are less | |
| Than even the blindest of indignant eyes | 280 |
| Would have them) is in what we do not know. | |
| Make, then, for all your fears a place to sleep | |
| With all your faded sins; nor think yourselves | |
| Egregious and alone for your defects | |
| Of youth and yesterday. I was young once; | 285 |
| And theres a question if you played the fool | |
| With a more fervid and inherent zeal | |
| Than I have in my story to remember, | |
| Or gave your necks to follys conquering foot, | |
| Or flung yourselves with an unstudied aim, | 290 |
| More frequently than I. Never mind that. | |
| Mans little house of days will hold enough, | |
| Sometimes, to make him wish it were not his, | |
| But it will not hold all. Things that are dead | |
| Are best without it, and they own their death | 295 |
| By virtue of their dying. Let them go, | |
| But think you not the world is ashes yet, | |
| And you have all the fire. The world is here | |
| Today, and it may not be gone tomorrow; | |
| For there are millions, and there may be more, | 300 |
| To make in turn a various estimation | |
| Of its old ills and ashes, and the traps | |
| Of its apparent wrath. Many with ears | |
| That hear not yet, shall have ears given to them, | |
| And then they shall hear strangely. Many with eyes | 305 |
| That are incredulous of the Mystery | |
| Shall yet be driven to feel, and then to read | |
| Where language has an end and is a veil, | |
| Not woven of our words. Many that hate | |
| Their kind are soon to know that without love | 310 |
| Their faith is but the perjured name of nothing. | |
| I that have done some hating in my time | |
| See now no time for hate; I that have left, | |
| Fading behind me like familiar lights | |
| That are to shine no more for my returning, | 315 |
| Home, friends, and honors,I that have lost all else | |
| For wisdom, and the wealth of it, say now | |
| To you that out of wisdom has come love, | |
| That measures and is of itself the measure | |
| Of works and hope and faith. Your longest hours | 320 |
| Are not so long that you may torture them | |
| And harass not yourselves; and the last days | |
| Are on the way that you prepare for them, | |
| And was prepared for you, here in a world | |
| Where you have sinned and suffered, striven and seen. | 325 |
| If you be not so hot for counting them | |
| Before they come that you consume yourselves, | |
| Peace may attend you all in these last days | |
| And me, as well as you. Yes, even in Rome. | |
| |
| Well, I have talked and rested, though I fear | 330 |
| My rest has not been yours; in which event, | |
| Forgive one who is only seven leagues | |
| From Cæsar. When I told you I should come, | |
| I did not see myself the criminal | |
| You contemplate, for seeing beyond the Law | 335 |
| That which the Law saw not. But this, indeed, | |
| Was good of you, and I shall not forget; | |
| No, I shall not forget you came so far | |
| To meet a man so dangerous. Well, farewell. | |
| They come to tell me I am going now | 340 |
| With them. I hope that we shall meet again, | |
| But none may say what he shall find in Rome. | |