| H.L. Mencken (1880–1956). The American Language. 1921. |
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| 3. Ham-American |
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| [Mr. Lardner also very kindly wrote the following for the present work. A ham, of course, means a fifth-rate actor. The scene is the sidewalk in front of the Lambs’ Club. The two hams, meeting, stop for a chat.] | 1 |
| FIRST HAM—Have you seen Craven? | 2 |
| SECOND HAM—Yes, I was in Thursday. | 3 |
| FIRST HAM—It’s a great troupe. 3 | 4 |
| SECOND HAM—I give him the notion. I says to him last summer, I says, “Frank, I got a great notion for you.” He says, “What is it, Charley?” So then I give him the notion. | 5 |
| FIRST HAM—It’s a great troupe. I enjoyed every minute, if you know what I mean. | 6 |
| SECOND HAM—I give him the notion. | 7 |
| FIRST HAM—He’s wrote himself a great part, if you know what I mean. | 8 |
| SECOND HAM—I give him the notion. | 9 |
| FIRST HAM—He’s a duke in that kind of a part. | 10 |
| SECOND HAM—How’d you like the gal? | 11 |
| FIRST HAM—Just fair, if you know what I mean. But What’s his-name was lousy the day I was in, if you know what I mean. | 12 |
| SECOND HAM—I don’t think they cast it very good. | 13 |
| FIRST HAM—No, and when you come right down to it, they’s nothin’ to the troupe, only the notion. | 14 |
| SECOND HAM—I give him the notion. | 15 |
| FIRST HAM—It’d be a flop without Craven. | 16 |
| SECOND HAM—That’s the way I figured when I had the notion, and I tol’ Craven, I says, “Frank, I got a notion that’d make a play for you, but it’d be a flop for anybody else.” | 17 |
| FIRST HAM—They’s really nothin’ to it but hoakum, if you know what I mean. But they eat it up. | 18 |
| SECOND HAM—Too bad they ain’t got a bigger theater. | 19 |
| FIRST HAM—You can’t tell. It might flop in a bigger house. It’s just a little every-day family troupe, if you know what I mean. Nothin’ to it but Craven and the notion. | 20 |
| SECOND HAM—I give him the notion. | 21 |
| Note 3. Troupe here means the entire production. [back] |
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