Richard Brinsley Sheridan (1751–1816). The School for Scandal.
The Harvard Classics. 1909–14. |
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| Act Second |
| | | Scene I |
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| A Room in Sir PETER TEAZLE’S House | 1 |
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| Enter SIR PETER and LADY TEAZLE | 2 |
| Sir Pet. Lady Teazle, Lady Teazle, I’ll not bear it! | 3 |
| Lady Teaz. Sir Peter, Sir Peter you may bear it or not, as you please; but I ought to have my own way in everything, and, what’s more, I will too. What! though I was educated in the country, I know very well that women of fashion in London are accountable to nobody after they are married. | 4 |
| Sir Pet. Very well, ma’am, very well; so a husband is to have no influence, no authority? | 5 |
| Lady Teaz. Authority! No, to be sure: if you wanted authority over me, you should have adopted me, and not married me: I’m sure you were old enough. | 6 |
| Sir Pet. Old enough!—ay, there it is. Well, well, Lady Teazle, though my life may be made unhappy by your temper, I’ll not be ruined by your extravagance! | 7 |
| Lady Teaz. My extravagance! I’m sure I’m not more extravagant than a woman of fashion ought to be. | 8 |
| Sir Pet. No, no, madam, you shall throw away no more sums on such unmeaning luxury. ’Slife! to spend as much to furnish your dressing-room with flowers in winter as would suffice to turn the Pantheon into a greenhouse, and give a fête champêtre at Christmas. | 9 |
| Lady Teaz. And am I to blame, Sir Peter, because flowers are dear in cold weather? You should find fault with the climate, and not with me. For my part, I’m sure I wish it was spring all the year round, and that roses grew under our feet! | 10 |
| Sir Pet. Oons! madam—if you had been born to this, I shouldn’t wonder at you talking thus; but you forget what your situation was when I married you. | 11 |
| Lady Teaz. No, no, I don’t; ’twas a very disagreeable one, or I should never have married you. | 12 |
| Sir Pet. Yes, yes, madam, you were then in somewhat a humbler style—the daughter of a plain country squire. Recollect, Lady Teazle, when I saw you first sitting at your tambour, in a pretty figured linen gown, with a bunch of keys at your side, your hair combed smooth over a roll, and your apartment hung round with fruits in worsted, of your own working. | 13 |
| Lady Teaz. Oh, yes! I remember it very well, and a curious life I led. My daily occupation to inspect the dairy, superintend the poultry, make extracts from the family receipt-book, and comb my aunt Deborah’s lapdog. | 14 |
| Sir Pet. Yes, yes, ma’am, ’twas so indeed. | 15 |
| Lady Teaz. And then you know, my evening amusements! To draw patterns for ruffles, which I had not materials to make up; to play Pope Joan with the curate; to read a sermon to my aunt; or to be stuck down to an old spinet to strum my father to sleep a after fox-chase. | 16 |
| Sir Pet. I am glad you have so good a memory. Yes, madam, these were the recreations I took you from! but now you must have your coach—vis-à-vis—and three powdered footmen before your chair; and, in the summer, a pair of white cats to draw you to Kensington Gardens. No recollection, I suppose, when you were content to ride double, behind the butler, on a docked coach-horse. | 17 |
| Lady Teaz. No—I swear I never did that: I deny the butler and the coach-horse. | 18 |
| Sir Pet. This, madam, was your situation; and what have I done for you? I have made you a woman of fashion, of fortune, of rank—in short, I have made you my wife. | 19 |
| Lady Teaz. Well, then, and there is but one thing more you can make me to add to the obligation, this is— | 20 |
| Sir Pet. My widow, I suppose? | 21 |
| Lady Teaz. Hem! hem! | 22 |
| Sir Pet. I thank you, madam—but don’t flatter yourself, for, though your ill conduct may disturb my peace of mind, it shall never break my heart, I promise you: however, I am equally obliged to you for the hint. | 23 |
| Lady Teaz. Then why will you endeavour to make yourself so disagreeable to me, and thwart me in every little elegant expense? | 24 |
| Sir Pet. ’Slife, madam, I say, had you any of these little elegant expenses when you married me? | 25 |
| Lady Teaz. Lud, Sir Peter! would you have me be out of the fashion? | 26 |
| Sir Pet. The fashion, indeed! what had you to do with the fashion before you married me? | 27 |
| Lady Teaz. For my part, I should think you would like to have your wife thought a woman of taste. | 28 |
| Sir Pet. Ay—there again—taste! Zounds! madam, you had no taste when you married me! | 29 |
| Lady Teaz. That’s very true, indeed, Sit Peter! and, after having married you, I should never pretend to taste again, I allow. But now, Sir Peter, since we have finished our daily jangle, I presume I may go to my engagement at Lady Sneerwell’s. | 30 |
| Sir Pet. Ay, there’s another precious circumstance—a charming set of acquaintance you have made there! | 31 |
| Lady Teaz. Nay, Sir Peter, they are all people of rank and fortune, and remarkably tenacious of reputation. | 32 |
| Sir Pet. Yes, egad, they are tenacious of reputation with a vengeance; for they don’t choose anybody should have a character but themselves! Such a crew! Ah! many a wretch has rid on a hurdle who has done less mischief than these utterers of forged tales, coiners of scandal, and clippers of reputation. | 33 |
| Lady Teaz. What, would you restrain the freedom of speech? | 34 |
| Sir Pet. Ah! they have made you just as bad as any one of the society. | 35 |
| Lady Teaz. Why, I believe I do bear a part with a miserable grace. | 36 |
| Sir Pet. Grace indeed! | 37 |
| Lady Teaz. But I vow I bear no malice against the people I abuse: when I say an ill-natured thing, ’tis out of pure good humour; and I take it for granted they deal exactly in the same manner with me. But, Sir Peter, you know you promised to come to Lady Sneerwell’s too. | 38 |
| Sir Pet. Well, well, I’ll call in, just to look after my own character. | 39 |
| Lady Teaz. Then, indeed, you must make haste after me, or you’ll be too late. So goodbye to ye. [Exit. | 40 |
| Sir Pet. So—I have gained much by my intended expostulation! Yet with what a charming air she contradicts every thing I say, and how pleasantly she shows her contempt for my authority! Well, though I can’t make her love me, there is great satisfaction in quarrelling with her; and I think she never appears to such advantage as when she is doing every thing in her power to plague me. [Exit. | 41 |
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